Grace, not perfection.

I am doing well, all things considered.  I can walk, and play with my babies. I can carry groceries and dance in the kitchen (albeit, awkwardly, but I can't really blame my disease for that one ;))....I even managed to complete a newborn session for a dear friend recently!  Yes, God is a healer, and is so very good!  

A comment I hear often now is "You look great! So you're better now?".  Well, yes, I am doing much better! But no, I am not cured, and will be dealing with my autoimmune disease for the rest of my life.  I just don't want to be the wet blanket at every social gathering forever.  Actually, I'm pretty sure being chronically ill has gained me major cool points!  Or at lease that's what I tell myself. :)

For those wondering, because I am asked often, I still suffer from neuropathy (pins and needles, numbness, and loss of sensation) in my extremities and in my back, and pain in certain areas (my entire face is still very tender: I can't rest my head in my hands, or snuggle into someone's shoulder, for example). Stress makes my symptoms worse, as does being too active, or not active enough. I have become an expert at walking the health tight rope!

Since I still have symptoms that effect my daily life, my last round of treatment put me back in the hospital, and I'd really like to stay out of the hospital for awhile (dream big, people!), I have decided to make some major lifestyle changes to help heal my body.  Enter, the AIP diet!

AIP stands for Auto Immune Protocol, or Auto Immune Paleo, depending on who you talk to.  I still have SO much to learn about it, and the details really aren't the point of this post, but is basically the opposite of the fast/frozen/convenience/carb food diet I've lived on my entire life.  More info on AIP here if you're interested!

When I'm having a good day and plan well, the food is amazing and delicious and I wonder why I haven't always eaten this way.

Most days, I hate the idea of chopping another vegetable, raw meat completely grosses me out, and I wonder why I'm torturing myself and killing our budget with attempting to set the house on fire cook.

Have I mentioned I've never really cooked?  My knife skillz could be replicated by my two year old. 

Enter, grace! NOT perfection.

"I will hold myself to a standard of GRACE, not perfection." - Emily Ley

Rinse and repeat.

Diets are not just for weight loss.  I am trying to save my life.  I am trying to add years to my living.  I am trying to make sure I'm there to sob hysterically at my children's weddings (God willing, of course).  I am trying desperately to stay out of the hospital.  

I'm also trying to forgive myself for the many times I fail and indulge in a now forbidden food.  Baby steps.  And perseverance. And grace upon grace.