Some days, I really struggle with feeling beautiful in my new CIDP skin. The muscle atrophy, pain, and continued weakness has left me not recognizing the person I see in the mirror…a weak, tired version of the woman I once knew.
Friday night, Thomas and I had a date night (with our main man Eli of course) at the "Fancy" mall a little farther from home. We walked around admiring clothes we'll never be able to afford (or want to spend so much money on), had a nice family meal, and discovered that the maternity clothes store has a play place inside it and they give out free apple or orange juice to the moms and kids! On our way back to the car, we passed a store that had evening gowns in the window, and I knew I had to try one on.
Sometimes, you just have to do something just because it will make you smile. Be kind to yourself.
Knowing we weren't planning on buying a dress like this (even though I could totally wear it while doing housework and PT), I took a few pictures to look back on during the tough days.
The dress fit! FOr the first time in months, I was wearing an item of clothing that fit my new body. I felt confident, beautiful, and "like me" again. I twirled. I laughed. I danced.
I need to take a moment and make something very clear, though. Even though the dress was amazing, and I loved feeling so rich and luxurious for those few minutes, I know my beauty and confidence can never come from clothes, or any other material thing. My identity doesn't come from my diagnosis, or my dress size, it comes from Christ. Always and forever, my identity is in Christ, and I am His.
He makes beautiful things, even when we don't recognize them.
So I rejoice at the opportunity for grace. Grace to love myself again, just the way I am today, no matter what the future holds. I am beautiful, because I am His; and because of that, I will dance.
