On Being Small

                                                           

I have an announcement…I'M PREGNANT!

Shocking, I know.  "But you don't look pregnant!" "WOW! You're so tiny; you don't show at all!" "I wish I were that small when I was pregnant; you're so lucky!"

Sigh.

What these kind, well-meaning people don't realize is that comments like these actually make me a little sad.

27 Weeks

You see, I've worked so hard on growing this baby…trying to stay healthy enough to make sure she thrives and grows.  I was doing well…the first 4 weeks of the pregnancy I gained the appropriate amount of weight.  Then my body went a little nuts.

If you're reading this blog, you know all about my CIDP journey and how that has affected my body; being bed-ridden for months results in muscle atrophy…I became the amazing shrinking pregnant lady (which isn't nearly as cool as it sounds). In addition to the CIDP, I also began experiencing the symptoms of Hyperemesis Gravidarum.  

Most women experience some degree of morning sickness during the first 12 weeks of pregnancy; HG is extreme morning sickness that often results in hospitalization from severe dehydration and malnutrition.  Women with difficult cases of HG are unable to keep any food down at all, and some suffer like this through their entire pregnancy.  I suffered with severe HG for 22 weeks of my pregnancy, unable to keep even plain cheerios or soup broth down.  The nausea was 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, and despite three different anti-nausea medications and IV fluids my symptoms did not improve.  I have never…ever felt that sick in my entire life.

Between the muscle atrophy and the HG, I have lost what little weight I gained in the very beginning of this pregnancy, plus nearly 30 pounds of pre-baby weight.  I now wear my wedding band on my index finger because my hands have gotten too thin.  At 27 weeks pregnant, I am finally starting to look pregnant, and I couldn't be happier about gaining weight.  

Finally, some maternity pants!

We have prayed for this baby; prayed that she would survive and thrive during my tests and treatments for CIDP, that my failing body would not fail her.  She is a miracle, a beautiful celebration of life, and I want everyone to know she's here!  I want to celebrate every pound, every stretch mark, every beautiful "imperfection" that happens to my body as a result of growing this precious baby.

I am still working on accepting my 'new' body; the one that reminds me I'm not quite healthy every time I look in the mirror.  It's a struggle, friends, but I am trying.  

So until my body more obviously reflects my current state, I will wear stripes, shirts that tell the world I'm so pregnant, and embrace being small.

Do these stripes make me look pregnant? ;)