These last 365 days have been some of the most terrifying, exhausting, heartbreaking days I've ever known. They have also been some of the most beautiful, and I am humbled that God chose me to walk this journey as part of my story.
I have been changed in a most extraordinary of ways, and have never felt Christ's presence more than I do now.
Today, as I watch the leaves begin to change, I will continue to fight. To choose joy, even when I want to cry out in fear. To choose love, because each day I have with my family truly is a gift.
On the days when I am spent, when the toddler listens "with his nose" as we say and the baby won't settle, I will thank God for being healthy enough to be home with and caring for my babies. I will remember all those nights in the hospital spent crying and wishing for the strength to hold my son...and I will choose joy.
At the end of the week when I have reached the end of my rope, I will greet my husband with a smile and a kiss, because there were so many nights I longed just to see his face, or receive a hug without flinching in pain.
When I don't want to go downstairs to get something because I just came from there, I will choose joy, and remember that only a few months ago I could not even roll in bed, let alone walk.
When I unload the dishwasher, or complete any other household task that I used to dread, I will praise God for healing and strength, because I celebrated the day I could lift a small plate.
I see now more than ever how blessed I am in this life, and I intend to cherish as much of it as I can. There are still difficult days...days that leave me wondering if I am at the beginning of a relapse, or if I will someday lose the strength I have worked o hard for months to gain back. But on those days I try very hard to remember just how far I have come this year...just how far God has brought me, and how He continues to show up in my life over and over again.
Trusting Him with my life over and over again...I consider it nothing but joy.
