A Peaceful Home

Joining in with Blessed is She for another link-up!   This week's theme is Peace, and as always, God's timing is perfect.

Having a toddler forces you to take a long, hard look in the mirror every moment of every day.  As a stay at home mom, I've been struggling lately to be the wife and mother I had always envisioned myself becoming.  Insecurity, fear, and anger are robbing me, and my amazing family, of the love, peace, and joy Christ calls us to.  My negative emotions mean there is little room for peace in our home.  It's time to look in the mirror.

I recently came across an article that describes anger as the surface of much deeper issues.  With tears streaming down my face, I realized I need to do some self healing (and possibly...no, definitely, take a nap).  It isn't January 1st, but today is always a good day for a resolution!  Perhaps goals is a better title for this.  #lifegoals?  Alright, moving on...

Things I wish for this holiday season...

To love myself more
To forgive (both myself and others)
To speak, think, and act with love
To choose kindness, always
To choose joy each day
To let my children see the Mom I've always hoped to be
To show the love of Christ to all
To find more time for Jesus, even when I've already found plenty
To bring peace to my heart, and peace to my home

I know, with Christ, I can do these things.  With His help, all things are possible.  He has already changed my heart in so many ways.

I will end with my favorite prayer and song to St. Francis:

Make me a channel of your peace.  
Where there is hatred let me bring your  love.  Where there is injury, your pardon, Lord  And where there's doubt, true faith in you.  

Make me a channel of your peaceWhere there's despair in life, let me bringhope  Where there is darkness, only light  And where there's sadness, ever joy.

Oh, Master grant that I may never seekSo much to be consoled as to console  To be understood as to understand  To be loved as to love with all my soul.

Make me a channel of your peace.
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
In giving to all that we receive,
And in dying that we're born to eternal life.

Amen.

 

BIS Sisterhood | Living Faith

It's that time again!!  I am SO excited to be joining back into the #BISsisterhood link-up with Blessed is She!   If you're a Catholic woman looking for an awesome community of sisters in Christ, check them out!  You can even get daily devotions right to your inbox each morning...life saver for this mama!

This week's topic is "Living Faith", which made me both excited and nervous.

"Faith is meant to be LIVED! How are you living it out today?"

Well, gosh...I spent all afternoon washing the dishes without complaining, does that count?

In all honesty though, I stole an idea heard on an episode of the Building Bridges podcast (seriously, those ladies rock; you should  have them over for digital coffee), and I try to make each part of my day a prayer.

Sometimes the prayer is a simple "thank you, God for this beautiful weather", sometimes it's a Hail Mary said as I load dishes into the washer, or try to match yet another pair of socks...and sometimes it's me face to the floor (or to the sky, depending on the day) saying "God. Help."

A more recent addition to living my faith is something so simple, I used to take it for granted.

I make plans.

A little over a year ago, I wouldn't have thought twice about making plans; of course I could go to that get together!  A concert? Sounds great!  But when my world was rocked with a life-long illness, I froze in my tracks.  Thinking about the next five minutes terrified me, never mind next week.  Would I feel well enough to attend that party?  Could I actually simon the strength to bring a dish, or help out?  Or my worst fear, would I even be home? Would I be in the hospital again?

These are questions that still pop into my head when anyone asks me to show up somewhere more than an hour from when they ask, but I am no longer paralyzed in fear.  Looking back on my life and seeing all the situations where God showed up and blew all my insecurities right out of the water...how could I not believe He would show up again?  I know He will, so I say yes to plans.  I say yes to my future, because I have complete faith in His perfect will for my life.

Play dates, kitchen dance sessions, and throwing joy around like confetti.  This is my living faith; my heart is full.

Trust with Pennies

Today's post is part of a blog link-up with Blessed is She!  If you are looking for an amazing community of Catholic women and great devotionals, I really encourage you to check them out!  Today's #BISsisterhood topic is trust.

I had to smile when I saw that this week's topic was "trust".  God knows exactly what we need, right when we need it.  I am reminded over and over again that He really does hear and see us.

My dad tried for years when I was a teen to get me to understand financial responsibility.  I understood on a surface level, but not a real-world-adult level, so I was not smart with the money I made working as a teen and young adult.  I cringe when I think of how much money I wasted on clothes and concert tickets, especially on days like today.

Thomas and I have been married for nearly 4 years (time flies!), and money has always been "tight".  By tight, I mean that we've gone through several periods of un (or under) employment, and two medical crisis that left Thomas unable to work, and me without a job. It has been stressful.  It has been humbling.  It has required so much trust.

These last few months have been good to us; we were just starting to pick ourselves up from the most recent medical crisis, and I had finally found budgeting software that was written in "Meesh" as we like to say.  It made sense to my brain, and as a result we actually had a working family budget.  It felt great!  I have just started reading Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover book, and we were beginning the first baby step: saving an emergency fund.  

Then Toyota called with a report on our car in the shop.  The brakes need to be replaced, and it's not covered in the warranty.

To quote Mr. Ramsey, "I am positive; it is going to rain, so you need a rainy day fund."  

I would also add trusting God in there as an essential part of your rain attire…just sayin'.

So now we pray, trust, and humble ourselves yet again.  Asking for help, and trusting that God will provide has got to be one of the hardest things I have ever attempted in my life.  As many times as we've needed the support and generosity of others in our life, it has not gotten any easier to ask for or receive it.  God has spent my entire worry-filled-the-sky-is-falling life telling me to trust Him.  I'm honestly amazed and oh-so-thankful He hasn't just given up altogether at this point.  Praise God for His mercy, compassion, and grace!!  He is so good to me; I know I am so undeserving.  Still, my heart wants nothing more than to please Him and live His will for my life.  

To trust in His will, not mine.  To know without a doubt that He will carry me through.  I am positive, He is with me, and He will take care of me, as He's done so many times before.

So we will continue to save our pennies, and trust that they will provide for our family's needs.  We will strive day after day to be excellent stewards of the blessings given to us, knowing that He sees us and our needs.

For an extra dose of trusting God this week, my neurologist informed me that my insurance denied my request for treatment (thats supposed to happen next week).  She is going to call them, and is confident it will be fine, so we're just trusting God with that situation, too.  Life is always exciting!

This song had me in tears during my morning praise and worship…before I knew about the car.  He put this on my heart today as a great reminder…He knows my name.

Days, Ayiesha Woods

"But what about those days

When you just don't understand
And just when you're getting up
It seems you're falling down again

What about those times
When it's not so easy to believe
When doubt causes you to only
Go by what you see

Don't you wish that every day was an easy day
And there was nothing that you couldn't do

But if every day was an easy day
You'd never be able to say that Jesus brought you through"

This is the day the Lord has made; I will rejoice and be glad in it.

Sacrificing Control

Today's post is part of a blog link-up with Blessed is She!  If you are looking for an amazing community of Catholic women and great devotionals, I really encourage you to check them out!  Today's #BISsisterhood topic is sacrifice.

Sacrifice is defined as an act of giving up something valued for the sake of something else regarded as more important or worthy.

I let that definition soak into my heart as I thought about what to write today.  

Something valued for something worthy.

I thought about what others have sacrificed for me in these past few months, what our Lord sacrificed on the cross for mankind, what I've sacrificed for others…my mind wandered.

What have I sacrificed?  Comfort? Peace of mind? Health? Sleep?  Hot coffee? My body? Happiness?  No, not any of those things.  Control?

Control.  Something valued for something worthy.

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope." - Jeremiah 29:11

Control is a funny thing.  We really don't have any at all, but we love to pretend.  I have always been guilty of thinking I have control over my life (or at least some control), despite the fact that God has tried over, and over, and over to show me that I am seriously stubborn mistaken.  

This week's lesson?  You cannot control a toddler, and they are much more persistent than you will ever be.

What was that, Mom?  Don't climb on the table?

I sat with Thomas last night, complaining talking about how uncertain everything is, and how out of reach a "stable life" feels for us.

"I just never thought this is where we would be nearly four years into our marriage..." I carried on.

Lord, please bless this man.  He is so patient with me in my humanness.  But, You knew he would be, after all…You are God.

And really, isn't that the point?

God is God, and I am not.

God is GOD.  I am NOT.

Little old me, one of God's beloved children…I do not get to see the future, or know precisely how the sky will fall next (will I ever be physically capable of running and playing with my children? Is this pregnancy our last? Will we ever see the end of our financial struggles? The list goes on).  I am not in control.

I am not in control.

And for me, dear friends, that is a true sacrifice...and one of God's greatest blessings to me.

I don't need to worry about the future!  God has my story already written, and His will will be done!  Oh what a relief it is to rest in Him.  I can live with HOPE because that is what he has promised me; hope for a future.  It may not be the future I imagined, but His version of my life is so much better than anything I've ever come up with.

"There were scars before my scars
Love written on the hands that hung the stars
Hope living in the blood that was spilled for me
Oh, control, it's time
Time to let you go" 
- JJ Heller, Control

Praise be to God, I am not in control.

"Not too proud to bear our sin
To feel this brokenness we’re in
Humble, humble Jesus”
@audreyassad -Humble
#blessedisshe #projectblessed #song ❤️🙏🙌

The first verse from one of today’s readings really spoke to my heart. In the months leading up to my hospitalization and diagnosis, God placed an intense desire for Him and His word in my heart. I really don’t know where to begin with His #writtenword but I believe God will meet me right where I am and show himself to me. Upon reading this first verse, I broke into the song “rise and shine and give God the glory”, and was also reminded of the way my mother would greet me each morning with the phrase rise and shine (even if I didn’t want to hear it). Oh, how He loves us! #projectblessed #blessedisshe