"In the silence of the heart, You speak." - @audreyassad #ashwednesday #catholic #projectblessed

There have been a lot of tears today. They are tears that I’m sure are exacerbated by pregnancy hormones, but tears just the same. Tears of loss.

I have lost so much of my identity in these last few months, but I am not without hope. I have lost my job, we have lost income, I have lost my independence and sense of adulthood. It is humiliating. It is humbling.

I have accepted the tears much more quickly than accepting help. But if I may have a moment of honesty, I am struggling. And so there are tears.

“You make beautiful things out of the dust. You make beautiful things out of us. You make me new, You are making me new.” -Gungor #CIDP #warrior #givemeJesus #awareness #spoonie #chronicillness

Pain. On of the many symptoms of #CIDP, and one that isn’t talked about. I am one of the fortunate ones who does not spend every moment of every day in pain, but there are still many things I cannot do without pain. I dread simple tasks like getting dressed, or getting in and out of bed. Still, I try to choose joy each day, and remember all the things I am able to do. I am blessed in this suffering; there is beauty that comes from it, goodness that comes from knowing that God sees me and has asked me to be a light in the dark. I pray every day that sharing my story helps just one person. This crazy life is a gift. “Consider it nothing but joy” #choosejoy #CIDP #chronicillness #awareness #spoonie

To the average person, this isn’t much to write about, but for someone with #CIDP its huge. This is the first time since September that I’ve been able to sit on the floor with my legs “crossed”. I won’t be able to get up without help, but being able to get my legs bent this far is such a huge milestone. Thank you to all the physical therapists and doctors that have made this moment possible, cheering me on and believing in me every step of the way. #choosejoy #chronicillness #ChronicInflammatoryDemyelinatingPolyneuropathy #spoonie #warrior

Our car has been temporarily replaced with a lime. In other news, guess who’s finally been cleared to drive?? #choosejoy

Everyone knows the best fashion accessory is a blood pressure cuff! #choosejoy #chronicillness #CIDP #spoonie

One of the things they tell you is that often with a life changing diagnosis, you will go through the five stages of grief. As prepared as I think I am for this reality, I never am. Having your body completely betray you day after day is so difficult. Making the decision to #choosejoy is never easy, and fighting for a normal life every hour is exhausting.

Holding onto my faith today knowing He is with me.

“You make beautiful things out of the dust.” - Gungor #chronicillness #CIDP #ChronicInflammatoryDemyelinatingPolyneuropathy #remarkablyrare #warrior

Abigail Rose…arriving at the end of May 2015!

Our very first picture of our sweet baby girl. Only 8 weeks, but already a fighter with a strong heartbeat and dance moves. This is life. Every life is a gift. Marching in spirit with thousands today in DC. #iStand4Life #whywemarch #marchforlife

I am 22 weeks pregnant today! I was extremely sick for the first 19 weeks of this pregnancy (I couldn’t even eat plain Cheerios). Thanks to three different anti-nausea medications, I am able to enjoy food most days now. I will celebrate today by eating this out of the jar with a spoon. 🍴💕😋#imsopregnant #boltonsbecomefour #choosejoy

Remembering the beauty and stillness of yesterday’s snowfall. “You are good to me”. #theeverydayproject #choosejoy #latergram

Happy mail today!! I fell in love with @remarkablyrare from the first moment I found them and read their story. Those of us with a rare disease and the friends and family who care for us are so beautiful and strong! We celebrate that we are fighters and #remarkablyrare!! #fighter #CIDP #chronicillness #choosejoy #ChronicInflammatoryDemyelinatingPolyneuropathy

Day 15/365 - today we are celebrating another small victory! Eli and I managed to go on a ten minute walk outside all by ourselves!! It does t seem like much, but after being unable to even roll over in bed, I realize I have come a long way. Today and every day, may God be praised. #choosejoy #CIDP #chronicillness #theeverydayproject #365daysoflight #mrbigcheeks

Not feeling so great today, but I still have #joy because I got to try out the “Hot Tator” that my mom got me! Cooks potatoes beautifully in the microwave, so I’m having a sweet potato and stuffing for lunch! #choosejoy #chronicillness #CIDP #projectblessed

Day 11/365 - My arms are barely strong enough to hold you, but I’m in mama heaven. #theeverydayproject #365daysoflight #mrbigcheeks #CIDP #choosejoy

One of the frightening things about CIDP is not knowing how I will feel on any given day. Some mornings, I wake up and wonder if I will have the energy to care for myself or Eli. But then I remind myself that God is in control, that I can do all things with Him, and that he’s told me time and time again not to worry. So today, I will drink my tea, meditate on His truth, and carry on. #CIDP #chronicillness #choosejoy #365daysoflight #theeverydayproject

Oh. My. Gosh.

Vera Bradley makes BABY CLOTHES (in amazingly cute packaging)!! I also have the BEST roommate from rehab (@hallie4rose) EVER!! God knew exactly what He was doing when he put us in the same hospital room. This little girl already has nicer clothes than I do! #boltonsbecomefour #theeverydayproject

My “thank you for being patient with me” flowers! I got a keeper. 😊❤️ Gentlemen, take note; find out what makes your lady feel loved and do that! #marriedlove #theeverydayproject #thrivewhereistand

Day 7/365. Mommy was super tired from our adventures in the snow yesterday. I think you knew, because you have been so sweet all day, snuggling and playing independently. How did I get so blessed to have such a sweet little boy? #mrbigcheeks #choosejoy #CIDP #spoonie #theeverydayproject #365daysoflight

Last year you were too young to care about the snow, but this year I was ready. We’ve been waiting all winter for snow to play in, and today it finally happened. I bundled you up in so many layers you look twice your size and could hardly walk, but I know you were warm. Watching you discover snow made my heart soar. You are my greatest adventure, little boy. I used most of my spoons to take us outside to play, but I’m so glad we have new memories together. #theeverydayproject #mrbigcheeks #spoonie #chronicillness #choosejoy #CIDP